You Can't Please All The People All The Time
Do you ever have those times in which you can't say no? Someone asks something of you and your first gut reaction is to say, yes to whatever their request may have been?
Even if you really would like to say....no?
Well, I have those occasions almost every time that someone asks something of me...I simply CANNOT tell someone no. I am 100% a people pleaser. I like to do whatever it is in my power to make others happy. In my mind, if I tell someone that I can't do something that they have asked me to do...I have failed and let them down. This is really a tough disposition to possess at times. I often struggle with separating what is best for myself from what is best for others.
Being a people pleaser is such an important part of who I am as a person. I have had friends and family tell me that I need to have boundaries and just learn how to say the dreaded...no, and be comfortable with that answer. I have tried very hard to become more skilled at this, saying no stuff but, here I sit...no such luck!
Saying that dreaded word, tears me up inside. Sometimes to the point that it makes me physically sick. I know, right?!
Well, this situation came up just yesterday, in fact. I had a neighbor ask me if I would mind watching their children for a half and hour or so before they got on the school bus each morning, until the end of the school year. Of course, I immediately felt like I should say, "absolutely, it will be no problem." Instead, I told him that I would think about it and let him know. The entire day, I was a complete mess as to what I was going to do. I would love to help out my neighbor but, I had a million and one thoughts running through my head. One thought would be telling me that I needed to do this in order to help them out and the next thought would be that I needed to keep my morning routine with my daughter that we have finally fallen comfortably into since moving. I really enjoy that small amount of time that we have together before I send her off to school. It kind of sets the tone for the day. I hate to admit this but, we have the routine down almost to the minute. I can be a bit obsessive about things...relaxing is another skill that I am trying to become a bit more skilled at. That is a completely different topic for another day. :)
Needless to say, I got into bed last night and could not go to sleep. I knew that I was going to have to come to my final decision on this by the morning...
I tossed and turned, my chest felt tight and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was filled with so much anxiety about letting someone down and it was leaving me with the feeling of failure. Failure to fulfill someone elses needs instead of my own.
After finally falling asleep for a few short hours, I woke up looking at the clock and realizing that I had to begin my day by doing what was right for me. Why doesn't doing what is in my best interest make me feel better, like a weight has been lifted of my shoulders? Instead, I headed to the bus stop and delivered my decision that I would be unable to be able to fill his request. I explained that I felt horrible and I hoped that he understood. Tears filled my eyes as I sat in my car with the window down, telling him that it was not going to work out. I shared with him that it was eating me up knowing that I wasn't helping him out and that I am always trying so hard to make everyone around me happy. He told me not to worry about it and that he understood. As we drove off in opposite directions, as the kids were loaded onto the school bus, I still felt torn wondering if I made the right decision.
Why is it so hard to say, no?
Each time that I have to say the dreaded word, I hope that it will get easier the next time...it just doesn't seem to happen for me.
Do you have a difficult time telling someone you are unable to do something they have asked of you? Or, are you always confident with your response whether it is in the individuals best interest or not? Since this is something that I obviously struggle with, I would love to hear suggestions on how to feel better when I can't always fulfill everyone elses needs.
I just try to remind myself that "You can't please all the people all the time". Easier said than done, my friends.
Have a wonderful Wednesday! If you have any suggestions that you would like to share with me...I am all ears!
Needless to say, I got into bed last night and could not go to sleep. I knew that I was going to have to come to my final decision on this by the morning...
I tossed and turned, my chest felt tight and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was filled with so much anxiety about letting someone down and it was leaving me with the feeling of failure. Failure to fulfill someone elses needs instead of my own.
After finally falling asleep for a few short hours, I woke up looking at the clock and realizing that I had to begin my day by doing what was right for me. Why doesn't doing what is in my best interest make me feel better, like a weight has been lifted of my shoulders? Instead, I headed to the bus stop and delivered my decision that I would be unable to be able to fill his request. I explained that I felt horrible and I hoped that he understood. Tears filled my eyes as I sat in my car with the window down, telling him that it was not going to work out. I shared with him that it was eating me up knowing that I wasn't helping him out and that I am always trying so hard to make everyone around me happy. He told me not to worry about it and that he understood. As we drove off in opposite directions, as the kids were loaded onto the school bus, I still felt torn wondering if I made the right decision.
Why is it so hard to say, no?
Each time that I have to say the dreaded word, I hope that it will get easier the next time...it just doesn't seem to happen for me.
Do you have a difficult time telling someone you are unable to do something they have asked of you? Or, are you always confident with your response whether it is in the individuals best interest or not? Since this is something that I obviously struggle with, I would love to hear suggestions on how to feel better when I can't always fulfill everyone elses needs.
I just try to remind myself that "You can't please all the people all the time". Easier said than done, my friends.
Have a wonderful Wednesday! If you have any suggestions that you would like to share with me...I am all ears!
Comments
As much as you have on your plate and as much as you do for others, there are times that saying "No" is ok. I know how you feel and I hate saying it as well. Every wonder why we can say, "I will be glad to" which is five words versus that hateful one word of "no", however, we do all to often. So when we have to turn someone down, you get the feeling you did and it eats you up. In this case, you were looking out for the best interest of yourself and your daughter. She will grow up way to fast and those precious minutes you have with her are there for a short time. Saying "no" to have that time with her is ok. It is not selfish, although you may feel it is, you are looking out for what's best for your daughter. I read Melanie's post and I respect both of you for being stay at home moms, that is one of the toughest jobs to do. Stay at home moms do not get the credit they deserve. Naive people think you put your kids on a bus, they head off to school, and you pick them up. I have a ton of friends that are stay at home moms and I will tell you what, the work is endless. In this case, you did the right thing buy keeping those precious mornings intact. I know it is a hard thing to say and do, but if you do it for extra moments with your daughter, then there is NOTHING wrong with it. This does not make you a bad or selfish person at all. Anyone who knows you well, knows that the word "Selfish" and Jen do not fit in the same sentence. Melissa