Bits and Pieces of Summer

Where has the summer gone?  

It has been a fabulous summer full of laughter with family and friends. It was both busy and relaxing all at once. Does that even make sense?? For the first half, I felt like I had my face buried in my books while trying to absorb as much new information about personal training and attempting to ready myself for a new chapter in my life. On the flip side, I enjoyed many afternoons with Emma sitting by the pool or floating on a raft feeling absolutely content with my present life.   

This summer has been full of lots and lots and lots of thinking for me.  Some days, I am literally exhausted because my mind just spins and spins.  It is so crazy that I have times in which I would do anything to have a switch and be able to turn my mind off.  I have had this conversation with others and I know I am not alone in wishing for that very switch.  I have had lots of changes happening and decisions to make.  I want to make the right decisions, and in order to do so, I must factor in every pro and con of absolutely everything.  I most definitely over think most things.  And I know, I know, nobody likes to make the wrong decisions.  I also know that sometimes I have learned more from making the wrong decision and it ended up benefiting me. I've had many days or moments this summer, as well, that all my thoughts begin to overwhelm me and turn to worry and anxiety. This is when I usually have to take a deep breath and tell myself that worry and anxiety are not doing me any good or accomplishing anything at all.  Its usually these times that I text or call my sister and she always seems to help by either simply listening, offering advice or making me laugh.  I have said this before and I'll say it again...I am so thankful to have her there for me with her never ending love, caring and understanding.  Can you see why my thinking and over thinking, at times, is exhausting me?!  

Amongst all that crazy thinking that I have been doing, is when I also realized that I have come quite a long way and am doing so much better than I would have ever expected to be since my marriage fell apart at the seams and was exposed to all who knew me.  In fact, tomorrow, it will be seven months ago already, that I began to live a life without the man I married.  When everyone told me all those cliche things, such as, "You will be fine." Or, "I know you will be happier."  And, "This is really for the best."...I often thought, "Well, of course I would like to think so but, how can I heal the heartbreak, or accept my failure that it didn't succeed, or the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, or the loneliness I was feeling, or the anger, or the sadness I felt that my daughter no longer had her daddy in her home, and the lack of a so-called family unit that we had."  So much to swallow.  Lots of emotions are surfacing as I write this.  I now know that the things that people told me were in fact very true.  I am fine, in fact, better than fine.  I am happier than I have been in many years.  I still, on occasion, feel some of the feelings that I felt months ago. The difference now, is that I can let it go more easily.  I don't want to go back.  I am only going forward.  

So, my summer was filled with lots of things that make me happy and it sailed by entirely too fast, as it always does each year. Emma loved being a part of my coffee group of friends and looked forward to spending time with them as much as I did on many mornings. We equally enjoyed the occasional mornings when is was just the two of us. I spent many evenings with friends and family, often enjoying my favorite frozen margaritas and overindulging on chips and salsa as I never stop flapping my lips as I talk about funny things in my life. Just the other night, I was with a friend and I could hardly get the story out because I was laughing so hard. Other nights, Emma and I may make a spur of the moment run for some sort of ice cream treat. As a whole, I over ate and under exercised this summer. I struggle daily with my body image but, we had so much fun this summer with everything we did. Thinking about this, it was a huge turning point for me not to obsess about exercising, especially if I had overeaten in my perception.I was trying to just live in the moment and enjoy each moment.  Our friends from Ohio made a visit for a few days and it made me so happy to see them again and it gave me even more joy to see Emma as happy as she always was when she spent time with her friends.  We miss them so much but, were so grateful that they took the time to make the trip to see us.  We love you Smith family!  Please visit again soon!! Some days this summer we were quite content just being goofy hanging out at home.  I'm sad to see it come to an end because my sweet girl will be going back to school and starting the 4th grade already!  Time flies.  It doesn't seem possible that she is in her last year of elementary school.  I am also, at the same time, excited to see her flourish as she gets back into school again.  It will be good for us both to get back into more of a regular routine in our daily life.  

I almost forgot to share the news that some of you already know, I am now officially certified as a personal trainer! Yes, it finally arrived in my mailbox a couple of weeks ago! I will even tell you that I love the way it looks in its nice matted frame. It feels much more official seeing it framed for some odd reason.  I guess I get excited over simple things sometimes. I have yet to figure out exactly how or what I will be doing but, I am very,very excited. Without a doubt, this is one of the things that I think about until exhaustion!  

With only 2 weeks left of summer, I think Emma and I will try to make the most of it.  Perhaps squeeze in a few more pool days, a trip to the beach and whatever else we may have missed.  Most importantly, just to enjoy every last moment we have before school starts and the season changes.  Gone will be the nights of staying up late and the mornings of sleeping in.  The days of warmth and sunshine will fade into cool, crisp days of fall.  With the change of season, will bring more changes and better days for both of us.  I want to leave you with something that I came across that I wish I could have in a frame where I could read it daily.  As many of you know, I love motivational and inspirational pieces and feel it helps to read them regularly.  

I Choose...

to live by choice, not by chance

to be motivated, not manipulated

to be useful, not used

to make changes, not excuses

to excel, not compete

I choose self-esteem, not self pity

I choose to listen to my inner voice, 

not to the random opinion of others

Have a wonderful evening!!